choosing yourself even when the choice is to stay - emily joy rosen poetry

choosing yourself even when the choice is to stay - emily joy rosen poetry

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and if you
do
show up
and spill out
opening
even as he
goes cold

and if you
do
let him drink
the liquid gold
from the very marrow
of your bones
even as he
snacks on
(especially) sweet
empty calories

and if you
do
keep pouring
all the loving
you can find (inside)
taking the very last drops
from behind your eyes
even as he
looks at you
as an enemy

know this
at the very least
know this...

there is better
for you

which is not to say
I wouldn’t choose
to stay too
(I usually do)

which is not to say
I am judging you
for insisting
on filling
a bucket
that has a crack
that is only getting bigger
as it feels the weight
of a loving
it isn’t ready for
a loving
he wouldn’t
choose
(now and
or maybe ever)

(you know right?
you know he’s not choosing
you, right?)

and please know
better
isn’t about making
him “not good”
it’s about
being honest
about the ways
eyes meet
and we know
this isn’t it
this isn’t the loving
we were wanting

better is about
choosing
if staying
(and not having
what you are wanting)
is okay for you

because it may be
okay for you
to not have what you are wanting
(many of us live a lifetime
not having
what we are wanting really
almost happily)

but please
just make sure
you are making that
choice
consciously

make sure
you know
that you
are choosing
a love
with someone
who could never
really love you
as you do
them

and girls who
do not choose
become women
who cannot choose
and I wouldn’t want
that for you

no I wouldn’t
want that
for you (or me
too)
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