Today, November 1st, is my birthday. Each passing year is a fresh concerto composed. The curtains unroll, the strings are tuned, and cacophony leads into the the first notes of a new melody. Why does it sound so familiar, yet so foreign? We know how it feels to dip our toes in the water, and equally how it feels to jump in. But still we hesitate at the edge.
Each year brings about its own custom set of joys and hardships, mountains and valleys. And to be completely honest, this past year I have been the lowest I have ever been. It has even been difficult for me to come to terms with this, because I can cut off or avoid negative emotions easily. But going fully into my secret emotional turmoil is what has allowed me to experience what is now (though imperfect, of course) the highest level of peace I have ever felt in my life.
This past year, I cancelled my life, and moved back to my hometown of Dallas, Texas for a year. I needed to live with my parents and do jack squat. I needed to cede all freedom. I needed to feel like I was in jail. I needed to watch myself slip into my old habits. I needed to feel helpless. I needed to feel outraged. I needed to be able to examine my old life from afar. I needed to reach new conclusions. I needed to become my own test subject.
I knew I was going to crash if I didn’t do this.
Here are some things I learned.
FB/IG: daisy.future
0 Comments