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Hey, everybody! My name is Erika and I'm secretly in love with someone. It’s my best friend. But the deal is that… my best friend is a girl and she’s in love with somebody else.
Actually, I can’t exactly figure out how everything started. Jillian and I have been friends for about 5 years already. When I moved to town with my family, she was the first one to talk to me. We went to the same school, had the same classes, and even lived on the same street. So we practically spent all of our time together. You know, we were neither popular, nor pretty, frankly speaking. Boys at school would usually mock us, but it didn’t bother us much, since we were there supporting each other. But when we grew older and started going to high school, things became different.
After another summer was over and Jillian and I went to high school, I suddenly noticed that my gal pal had turned from an ugly duckling into a swan. Surprisingly enough, I was not the one who noticed it. Boys began showing off to get her attention, sending her secret notes and so on. And by the way, she also began behaving differently. She was now wearing skirts and makeup, and even switched her eyeglasses to prescription contact lenses, while before, we always used to think that a girl has the right to not have to improve her appearance for anyone. Anyway, you might have guessed that while Jillian was taking advantage of all this extra male attention, I was where I always was – an object of mockery and disgrace. I can’t say that I was envious of my friend, but I had certainly noticed that she was now really fond of the effect her appearance was having on men and I don’t think I was happy for her. Her attitude toward me though didn’t seem to change.
But then a guy appeared. His name was Philip. I don’t know why, but I didn’t like him from the beginning and it was mutual by the way. He seemed to be too gentle, with all the annoying “babe” and “honey” and other namby-pamby talk, and I felt like I was about to throw up when I saw him kiss Jillian's hand. She knew how I felt about their “love.” But, you know, it was her first boyfriend so far, and she was my best friend, so I thought I’d better leave their relationship up to them and I sort of got distant. At first Jillian was worried that something had happened to me when I refused to go to the movies with them for the third time in a row. But when she called, I told her that it's probably better for us that we don't see each other as much, rather than me constantly hanging out with her Prince Charming and feel nauseous because of him. This made her laugh and she promised to figure out a perfect schedule for everyone. But she never did.
She kept spending time with Philip, and I hated him. No, really, I believe it was hatred, and I didn’t feel any happiness for my friend anymore. Maybe I was jealous that I didn’t have a boyfriend so far, and I didn’t need one actually. But I needed my friend, who was paying too much attention to Philip, while knowing that I was alone having nobody except her to talk to.
All these thoughts were constantly twisting inside my head, when she showed up. It was rainy outside and she seemed to be soaked to the bone. She said she was dying to tell me something, and while I was getting her a towel I noticed that she looked excited. While I was making tea for her so she wouldn't get sick, she told me how wonderful Philip was and that she had met his parents and he’d gotten acquainted with her parents and so on. And then she told me that Philip had proposed to her and that they were going to get married after prom.
It was shocking! I was like: “Aren’t you too young for marriage?” and “What do your parents think about it?” and so on. Gosh! I had lots of questions. Jillian was probably expecting another reaction from me. She explained that it was just a dream for both of them and that they hadn’t discussed it with their parents yet but she felt like the happiest girl in the world having found her precious Philip. And she also said that even though I didn’t like him, I should be happy for her, since I’ve always said that we were best friends. And when he proposed, she felt the need to tell me first about it. But I felt awkward. I mean, I should have said that I was happy for her, if I was her real friend, but I couldn’t force myself to do that. And I felt like it wasn’t because of Philip. I was there standing with the teapot, looking at her, while she had that angry look on her face and was still in those wet clothes, when I thought, she was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen.
This sudden thought and the feeling inside me, it terrified me so much...
Music by Epidemic Sound:
#actuallyhappened
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